As I entered the office on Wednesday, I was told the internet was out, leaving me unable to do any work. My mind started reeling with ideas to fill my day in the most unproductive way, but as the conversations started, I was brought to one of my favorite shows. If you’re not familiar with Brooklyn 99, it’s a cop comedy about the 99th precinct in New York City. Their antics keep us laughing, while the severity of the crimes reminds us of the reality we live in. This is what it would be like if the Rooted Web team was the 99th precinct. This is Rooted Web 99.
Rooted Web 99
Captain Holt- Vlad
Always a man of few words, Vlad sits in the back of the office, watching over us all. When he speaks, we all remember his words not because they are insightful or impactful, but because he’s one-upping or schooling us all with his intellect and/or sarcasm.
Terry Jeffords- Steve
Neurotic to a point, but with a heart full of love, Steve keeps the team on track. His family always comes first, and he is never without a story of them. His love of yogurt and working out is only matched by his dedication to the team and the company as a whole. Just don’t make him mad; he’s stronger than you.
Jake Peralta- Ryan
Some may think this means he’s the ‘main character’ of the office, but truly it’s the opposite. Ryan is the newest member of our team, but it doesn’t feel like it. His work is flawless, his focus is unmatched and his jokes are on point. Though he can be a little showboat-y with his skills, he’s there to help anyone who needs it, making sure projects are completed on time and accurately. He’s creative, quick-witted and brilliant to a point. He’s an incredible member of the team, and we’re lucky to have him.
Amy Santiago- Emily
Competitive and organized, her sheltered sassiness becomes a daily topic of conversation. She is well dressed and never leaves a pen out of order. Her notebooks and color-coded calendars make the rest of us look like disorganized trash, but she won’t make you feel bad about it. She only cares about the bigger picture and her teammates.
Rosa Diaz- Jeff
Have you ever seen someone throw a keyboard at the office? Maybe someone who has irrational fits of road rage on a daily basis? Jeff is our loose cannon with a heart of gold. His eye is on the project, while his heart is pointed to the greater good. He would do anything for his team, but don’t cross him; it won’t end well for anyone. With unmatched loyalty and an eye for problem-solving, he’s one of the strongest people in the office.
Charles Boyle- Matt
Do we have kombucha cooking in the storage room? Do we have 10 bags of coffee in the kitchenette? Does he bring his weird lunch every day and feel the need to explain himself when we look at him funny? Matt is the quintessential Boyle of the office. But that also means he’s one of the nicest, smartest, focused people in the office. His knowledge often comes second to his quirks, but it shouldn’t. He’s one of the most dedicated members of our team, and he would do anything for anyone.
Gina Linetti- Sam
If you hear singing in the office, it’s probably coming from Sam. If you hear a sick burn, it’s probably her too. Though her work is solid, she keeps it light with a heavy dose of fun. You can guarantee when she leaves the company (God forbid), she will leave a gold statue you can high-five. She also looks out for every person who walks through the door, poking fun when appropriate, but never truly wanting to hurt an individual.
Norm Hitchcock- Colin
Bringing something to the team that no one else does, Colin keeps us laughing either with him or at his expense. But he’s always a trooper about it. Sometimes the things that come out of his mouth stun us and make us question his sanity, but his heart is in the right place–most of the time. He navigates projects with ease when he’s given a chance by the rest of us. Bringing us challenges in the form of new and varied clients, he helps us grow as a company and as individuals. But when the clock strikes one, that microwave better be empty because he’s got lunch to heat up, and he won’t let anyone or anything get in his way.
Michael Scully- Hannah
She’s certainly not an office screw-up like someone may think by pairing her up with Hitchcock. But rather she’s an undetected asset that is just waiting for her time to shine. When she does, oh boy, lookout. She’ll blow you away. She keeps to herself most of the time but loves being part of this team, loves being part of something bigger. No one quite knows her full experience and wealth of knowledge because she doesn’t brag or boast; she waits for nuggets of gold to emerge organically and amaze us all.
Adrian Pimento- Cole
The office loose cannon never comes in without a story of the night before. If you can think of it, he’s experienced it and then some. There are days you don’t want to enter his office, but you never want to go a day without saying hello. You don’t want him to get suspicious of you and find a dead fish in your desk drawer. All kidding aside, he has dug through the trenches and came out the other side stronger. If he finds out someone hurt your feelings or didn’t like your work, he’s there to comfort you– with a list of their flaws and a list of your strengths.
Doug Judy- Bryce
Always the jokester, Bryce keeps things light around the office while still remaining focused on the end game. He is good—no, great—at what he does, but he’s modest about it. For him, everything is a team effort, and he’s stronger when raising others up with himself. He’s a friend to all, and our love for his spirit is only matched by our desire to make him laugh too.
This is all in jest, of course. But a great way to get through a morning with no internet and an office full of weirdos. You can always count on Rooted Web to get work done even when everything is holding us back. See what the Rooted Web team can do for you and your business today!
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