Do you remember the before-times? The days pre-pandemic when being invited to a party was not only allowed, but something you looked forward to without fear of illness or public shaming? But, what about those parties you HAD to attend—the office party, the one at your parent’s house, the one where you only really know one person so you feel out of place all night? Well … social media apps are kind of the same thing. Just like those parties, social media demands our presence.
Instagram: Your Most Popular Friend’s Party
The apartment is filled to the gills with people. So many people. Pretty much anyone who’s anyone—and a bunch of nobodies too. Guests pose for “Insta-worthy” pics in their gorgeous outfits holding hand-crafted cocktails.
Be careful as you waltz around the room because there’s a really good chance you’ll get cornered by some thirsty guy, an ex, or someone who recently started a podcast and has to tell you all about it. If you step outside to get some fresh air, you’ll be surrounded by those who are too cool for Instagram—but not too cool to keep telling you how over Instagram they are.
Leaving is a chore because everyone has to snap one last picture with you. You’re exhausted from the all-night rager, but you check your phone and see it’s only 10 pm and you didn’t realize just how much work your friend really is.
TikTok: Your Younger Cousin’s Party
Look out, you’re the oldest person here. You don’t recognize the music because it’s all remixed by a Serbian DJ that everyone else seems to know but you. It took you quite awhile to get ready for the party because you wanted to look amazing, but also not look like you actually tried.
You brought a bottle of vodka and now, to earn the respect of the youth attending, you have to down a couple shots. From there, it’s a slippery slope to attempting their dance moves and failing terribly. You slip out the door, certain no one will notice. Now, your evening is filled with looking up new Gen Z slang on Urban Dictionary and trying to forget the fact that you were even there.
Twitter: Your College Friend’s Gathering
Your smartest friend is hosting a “gathering,” which means twenty pseudo-intellectuals who are revved up and ready to converse about the American political system all evening. Gross.
To prepare, you skimmed news headlines the whole Uber ride to the party, but definitely didn’t read the whole article. Some guy with thick-framed glasses will man-splain all the details to you every chance he gets. It’ll be easy to spot the best time to leave though. The moment you hear “NPR,” “the Daily” or “the economy,” start running and never look back!
Facebook: Your Parent’s Annual Party
Before you ask, yes, you have to go or you’ll never hear the end of it. Aunts, uncles, your parents’ friends from work—all the people you’ve muted on Facebook—will be in one place. Yay. Make sure you show up early so you earn brownie points by helping your parents set up. If you bring something homemade, you’re set. This will also make it easier to leave early later on.
It’s the biggest party of the year once again, and anyone with a wallet is there. You can easily lose yourself in a sea of nosy neighbors, old co-workers, extended family members and old college friends who can’t wait to show you pictures of their kids. Guess what—it’s the same picture seven times but with a slightly different angle. Buckle up.
You’ll need to watch out for drunk old people with opinions. They’re everywhere, armed with “news” sources, and they demand responses. Try to keep your answers short and to the point—and try to stay out of the camera lens.
Once you’ve filled your purse with snacks, slip out the back.
LinkedIn: Your Work Party
You see these people more than your own children, but sure, let’s hang out in our free time too. Honestly, you don’t have to go to this party but, if you do, make sure the one cool coworker is going to be there. Otherwise, it’ll just be you and fifteen guys named Josh.
It doesn’t matter when you show up, you’re really just there for the free booze and snacks. Try to avoid that one coworker who always says something inappropriate. You need to leave as soon as you start feeling tipsy. This isn’t the place for you to let loose and be yourself. It’s going to be super awkward to see these people in the harsh light of Monday if you spend Friday twerking to Megan Thee Stallion.
COVID-19 may have halted attending these in person parties but as far as social media apps are concerned, you should still be putting in the effort. The good news is our dedicated marketing team at Rooted Web can show up for you. We know our way around these events, and we love being there. Let’s chat!
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